Icanhazcheeseburger is funny….NOT! July 8, 2008

That’s right. I don’t find it funny. Actually, that’s not 100% true; it can be funny at times. But really what I’m trying to say is I am not a cat person. I had a cat growing up, or, I should say, my big sis had a cat growing up, but then she left for college and we were left with it. He had a very cool and creative name: K.C. Guess what it stands for! Just guess! You’re never gonna get it. It’s Kitty Cat. KITTY CAT!!!

 

I really didn’t like Kitty Cat until I went to college and conveniently forgot how unbelievably annoying he was. He could spend all day just walking in and outside every thirty seconds. I would let him in from outside and sit down to read my book and he would immediately be howling again wanting to go outside. Well, like I said, I forgot about this fact when I moved out, but when I came home to visit he had this cute habit of sleeping on my pillow right by my head and sometimes being a pillow hog so that I had no pillow at all. I’m sure that if I had had to put up with this for more than a few weeks at a time I would have been quite upset, but in small doses I got a kick out of the stupid thing. Annnywaaay, the kitty cat has since been sent to a nursing home for cats because my parents are heartless and didn’t want to give him shots every month for his hyperthyroidism and his arthritis.

 

This does not mean (unfortunately) that I am sans cat these days. Chuckles has a cat. This cat goes by multiple names: Tigger, Pillsbury, and Kitty. I call it Kitty because I refuse to grant it a name…or a sex for that matter. It is a well known fact that I am not exactly a fan. I talk incessantly of the puppy I will have the day I graduate. The puppy is a much better incentive than a better job and more money. I may have pointed out one night that I thought Kitty had had a stroke and would probably be dead when we woke up the next day (I am chuckling as I type this because I still think it was quite funny), but Chuckles did NOT find it funny. In fact, I think it might have been one of those moments when he wondered why he was dating me. Wellll, yesterday I almost killed the cat, but the important thing to keep in mind is I didn’t! Kill the cat that is. I was pulling into the driveway and the cat ran right in front of my car. One might even think Kitty has a death wish. Luckily, I was able to stop in time. Of course the cat then sat down in front of my car so I couldn’t pull in all the way so I leaned my head out the window and screamed, “Move your ass and or risk getting run over!” The neighbors were probably concerned, but I got the message across! Kitty moved!

 

After I informed Chuckles of what appears to be his cat’s death wish I innocently asked what his reaction would have been had he come home to discover that I had accidentally run over his cat. He replied that he would have been upset because obviously I was driving too fast. I insisted that although I didn’t in fact kill the cat it could have easily happened even if I was driving at a safe speed. For whatever reason this convinced Chuckles that I have it in for the cat and whenever the cat (finally) kicks the bucket he is going to have an autopsy done to make sure it wasn’t murder. So, yeah…my boyfriend thinks I’m capable of murder.

This is the part where I bore you to death July 7, 2008

Since it is the Monday after a holiday weekend I feel that I should regale you with stories of all the fun things I did. The only problem is I didn’t do anything that was overly exciting, but I am going to tell you about my weekend anyways and you are going to sit there and enjoy it! Sit I say!

 

The Fourth was fairly uneventful starting out with an uneventful run. I spent the majority of the day cleaning up the house and had planned on going to a friend’s barbecue, but had looked at the invite wrong and couldn’t go due to time conflicts. So Chuckles and I drove around looking for a pizza place that was open (of course none were) so we went to the local grocery store, got some sandwiches, and went down to the beach to enjoy the good weather. While we were down there an Asian family walked up to the water with a couple of very long sticks and proceeded to use them to pull kelp out of the water and stick in plastic bags. Do you think they were going to cook with it? We couldn’t think of any other reason to collect kelp. There was one girl that was really annoying Chuckles because she waded into the water, which was freezing cold, and proceeded to screech every time a wave hit her. He had his fingers crossed that she’d trip and fall in (as was I really), but she never did. It was quite disappointing. That was probably the most exciting event of the day. We watched the fireworks later on top of Chuckles’ dad’s house - it had a view of the Puget Sound so we could see multiple fireworks shows, but they are never that exciting (if you ask me).

 

On Saturday I had my parents over for dinner, which, although I didn’t realize at the time, is on my list. I made parmesan stuffed chicken breasts, roasted potatoes, and garlicky green beans and for once in my life I actually timed everything to be finished at the same time. That is quite the feat for me. For dessert we had sundaes because I don’t care how old you are everybody loves a good sundae.  After I kicked everybody’s ass playing dominoes my parents went home and we went over to my sister’s to play some wii. My brother and sister-in-law were in town and this was our only opportunity to hang out with them since I had forgone shopping that morning. I am still impressed with myself that I said no to a trip to DSW. I think deserve a reward for that - maybe a pair of shoes? Yes? So Saturday night was my first experience playing Mario Kart wii and, well, let’s just say that my sister will probably be seeing more of me. Need a babysitter? I’m there! As long as those little boys don’t interrupt my wii time - one year olds can pretty much take care of themselves right? I was absolutely horrible at it; I kept inexplicably going the wrong way and couldn’t get my stupid person to turn around, which usually resulted in me yelling at the TV. We only had enough controllers for four people so there were always two people watching. At one point both Chuckles and my big sis were watching me and laughing their asses off, which caused me to laugh hysterically and I had to finally put my controller down because I had started crying. Yep…I was dead last. After that we played bowling and I was dead last again. Then we played tennis and my bro-in-law was very nice about my inability to hit any balls, but I think he was quite happy when I had Chuckles take over for me. So I need lots of practice.

 

Sunday I did nothing except meet a girlfriend for dinner and eat blizzards. Mmmmm….good.

In case you haven’t noticed July 3, 2008

July 1^st has come and passed. This means I have officially started my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days…and I haven’t done anything on it yet. I think people should start making bets as to how much I’ll finish. Anybody got $10 that I’ll finish 50%? If so thank you for having at least a little faith in me.

 

I have been doing my daily push ups and crunches. Actually, that’s kind of a lie and by kind of I mean it’s a bold-faced lie. I have only been doing push ups every other night, but before you start judging I have an excuse! I started doing the hundred pushup program. It’s what all the cool kids are doing…or so I’ve been told. I think it’s working though - I was checking out my biceps in the mirror this morning and I’m thinking they’re bigger. Maybe.

 

Anyway, I’ve been trying to go for more runs because the most important thing on the list to me is getting down to my target weight and running a half marathon. The only problem is I can’t afford a gym membership and that doesn’t even really matter because I never even really have time to work out. I have been trying really hard to make time, but I have only gone on one in the past week. I swear to GOD that I was going to run last night, but then a big and scary thunderstorm rolled into town and I didn’t think it would be safe. Hopefully tomorrow.

 

The list is working as good motivation though; it’s amazing what a difference just writing down a goal makes in helping you achieve it. Anyway, so far the only other item I am focused on is “Go on a hike”, but I am finding it somewhat difficult to find a good beginner’s hike that is not more than a couple hours away. However, I might encounter some hiker buddies tomorrow who can give me some advice that hopefully isn’t, “You? You want to go on a hike? You do know that that would be “outside” right? You WILL encounter bugs.” I actually did a google search for beginner hikes in the Seattle area and it brought up Green Lake. Let me tell you: “Green Lake” is not a “hike”. I used to live in the Green Lake district and all it is is a 3 mile running trail around a lake. That’s it.

 

To go on a complete tangent since I am for some unknown reason quotation mark happy I was reminded of one of my brother’s roommates in college who would use them all the time. For example, he would say, I’m going to go “take a shower” now. See you “later”. I play the “saxophone”. It was very weird and no, he was not saying “take a shower” as a euphemism for something else. Get your mind out of the gutter! He also thought my brother was a robot.

 

Just had to share that. So my goal this weekend in terms of my “list” is to get some of my quilt done. At least one square. Have a happy Independence Day! Remember fireworks are not toys!

 

Oh, and can we all please have a moment of silence for the Seattle Sonics who are now officially moving to Oklahoma City?

Potpourri July 2, 2008

I was reminded today of one of my many talents that had been temporarily forgotten. I spent almost all of my lunch break on the phone with 24 hour fitness arguing about fees and trying to cancel my membership, which they make absolutely impossible to do. But I got what I wanted. True I might have told a few lies stretched the truth a little bit and wasted my lunch hour, but I GET WHAT I WANT. I remember talking to a friend once and telling her I was going to return a pair of shoes I had already worn, but the buckle had broken to a store that was not Nordstroms and she was all, “You are sooo not going to get away with it.” And I was all, “Watch and learn beeyotch!” Oh, and she learned all right. I do NOT back down, which generally means I am one spoiled princess. I think I had temporarily forgotten about it because not too long ago I got my first traffic ticket. Oh, I have been pulled over multiple times, but I have always been able to sweet talk my way out of the ticket. But this time was different and I was trying to figure out changed this time and I finally figured it out: Chuckles was in the car. When I started to cry he quickly started to get annoyed so I stopped. What he didn’t know is that crying can only help the cause! Also, I couldn’t exactly flirt with the officer with him in the car. Now that I really stop and think about it I should have made him pay the ticket. What really drives me nuts about the ticket is my brother got pulled over later for making the same illegal left turn and since his drivers license showed his address as Spokane they thought he was from out of town. Well, he’s NOT. He grew up here. Obviously I am still bitter. My other talent that came to light on my lunch break is my ability to lose my car key in my car. Yes, I did it again. I would tell you how it happens, but I have no idea. But if you ever need advice on how to be a spoiled princess I’m your gal. I should teach classes I am THAT good.

As you probably inferred from the title if you watch Jeopardy as much as I do this is going to be a very random post. I was thinking this morning about music videos and how much I love them. VH1 now shows music videos in the morning, which is perfect TV watching material for while I eat my bowl of delicious corn chex. Today I saw the new Alicia Keys video for “Teenage Love Affair”, which I LOVED. At first I wasn’t sure if it was the video I loved or her humongous gold earrings that I would never be able to wear because my neck is to weak to support that kind of weight, but after a costume change I was confident it was not just the earrings I was enjoying.

I have a hard time leaving in the morning because I want my music videos! This morning I had to leave in the middle of a Coldplay video because I had a stoopid meeting, but it got me to thinking about all the cool music videos and how it can change the way you view a song. I have to say I didn’t like the “Teenage Love Affair” song as much before the video as I do now. I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV when I was growing up because it teaches you about sex and how to dress like a skank and Madonna was running around in a wedding dress singing about virgins and, anyway, it was deemed inappropriate. As a result of this I can clearly remember the first video I ever watched: it was “Black or White” by Michael Jackson. I remember it being a big deal so they showed it on the news and I watched it with my dad. Good times. Anyway, what I’m saying is music videos are da bomb and I might have to post a list soon of my favorite music videos of all time, which will include a certain Reba McEntire duet no doubt.

Lastly, I finished White Teeth by Zadie Smith. It was just as good as I thought it would be after reading the first thirty pages. I would recommend it to anyone, although, not everybody in my book club was as big a fan as I was, but I’m pretty sure we were in the majority. One of my friends had a hard time getting into it until halfway through - she does have a different way of writing and a sense of humor that not everyone understands, but I was a big fan of her writing style. Our next book is Mapmakers Wife by Robert Whittaker. I have to say I am quite enjoying the book club although we could use one or two more members. Now I just need a stitch and bitch club.

Goooooo Canada!! July 1, 2008

As I was driving home yesterday all they kept playing on the radio was that stupid ass song “No Air.” Say what you will about Blake Lewis and his dumb ADD album nothing on it is as bad as “No Air”. Seriously, I can’t change the station fast enough. Since I was in downtown Edmonds (can you really call it a downtown?) the only stations coming in were Canadian ones and it turns out that they are AWESOME. The first radio station started with some Fergie, don’t judge she’s teaching people how to spell, followed that with some Oasis, “Wonderwall”, THEN some Ingrid Michaelson, and THEN EMINEM! Does it get any better than that? After Eminem finished asking the “real Shady” to please stand up they announced that if you wanted to celebrate Canada Day in style (why yes I do - How did they know?) to just head over in your red and white and you can be part of their live flag. I seriously thought about joining in because Canadians are fun. Or so I’ve heard and I wanted to find out.

I told Chuckles this morning that my tum tum hurt and I might have to call in sick. He didn’t really believe me so here I am stuck at work, in front of a computer, listening to a Seattle radio station play a combination of Rihanna, Usher, and Kate Perry over and over and over again. I don’t really have a problem with Kate Perry, who wouldn’t like a song about kissing girls with cherry chap stick, but if they keep playing it I might have a problem very soon. And they keep playing some song about growing up and wanting to be a movie star and have boobies…isn’t the boobies part kind of a given? I don’t remember being 7 years old and saying, “You know what I want to be Mommy? I want to be a famous movie star and have big boobies?” Am I the weird one here or is it the girl who wore a see through shirt to Nelson Mandela’s birthday party?

Anyway, I just can’t believe that I had the chance to be part of a LIVING Canadian flag and I missed out. How are you celebrating Canada Day? I think I will be drowning my sorrows in wine.

 

 

Stupid people make me see red June 30, 2008

Brian Regan was awesome Friday night (of course). Also, the weather was, and has been, fan-frickin’-tabulous, which was very very good for a concert in the park. But there was one negative aspect to the night - stupid people. Since the show didn’t start until 8:00 it was only right that we went to happy hour first and gorged on appetizers and booze, which was lovely. We sat on a patio outside and the booze was tasty. So far so good.

 

Afterwards we decided to stop at Quiznos on our way to get sandwiches to devour at the show. After what seemed like forever of not being able to find the restaurant because…well, I think everybody involved learned an important lesson: you should never EVER rely on Megan for directions. Ever. After a lot of, “We’re supposed to turn by The Matador!” “What the hell is the Matador? Is that a restaurant or something?! What are we supposed to be looking for?” “I really didn’t think that was the important part of the instructions so I tuned it out.” “Fabulous, just fabulous.” But we found it eventually and I breathed a huge sign of relief because I have a very small bladder and it was only a matter of seconds before it burst. I rushed in with the intention of quickly ordering and booking it to the bathroom. (Before I continue this story I would just like to first say that the set-up of this Quiznos was completely ass-backwards.) We walked in and there were two employees staring at us, not saying anything, so I ordered my Caesar salad, with NO onions or tomatoes. NO RED STUFF! I grabbed a bag of chips threw it at Chuckles and rushed to do my business. When I came out, feeling much better, Chuckles and the other couple we were with were standing on the opposite side of the restaurant. As I walked up to them K was doubled over in laughter because I had ordered where we were supposed to pay. This might be one of those stories that are only funny when you’re there, but I will blaze forward regardless. So I ordered again. You know, they really should have said something when I ordered the first time something as simple as, “I’m sorry we can’t understand a word you are saying when you stand by the cash register. You have to stand by the sandwich bar for us to fully comprehend what it is you are trying to communicate to us.” But they DIDN’t. Bastards. So I ordered again and moved over to the cash register to pay and as Chuckles was paying they told me they were out of dressing and then started mumbling some mumbo-jumbo about what my options were. I was completely confused. It was like a foreign language so I just kept saying, “What?!” over and over again until finally Chuckles rescued me and ordered another type of dressing for me. Now, normally, I would have ordered a sandwich instead, but, you have to understand, these people didn’t fully understand the concept of a “combo” so there was no way we would ever make it to the show if I had changed my order that late in the game. We finally got the hell out of there after our friends were overcharged, but didn’t argue because, like I said, we didn’t want to miss the show.

 

Luckily, my big sis had gotten to the park early and saved us some great seats and we got there with time to spare and time to  enjoy what we felt had better be damn good sandwiches after all that we had been through to get them. I opened up my salad to find there was NO. CHEESE. That was the last straw. I am still coming down from the rage that overtook me at that moment. Actually, it wasn’t so much rage as intense disappointment, but I am very impressed with myself because I was strong enough not to cry. Nobody there would have understood crying over no cheese, but IT WAS THE LAST STRAW! Needless to say I will not be going back.

She’s BAAACCCKKKK! June 27, 2008

Everyone’s favorite - time for more school stories because I’m sure everybody couldn’t wait for me to start complaining about how stressed I am. Did you miss it? Don’t answer that. Don’t worry though (no need to stop reading) - it’s just a teensy weensy update. I had my first class for the summer quarter last night. It wasn’t so bad despite the knowledge that it was sunny out and I was trapped in a classroom for a three and a half hour class with NO BREAK! Dear God did I have to pee. Anyway, when I showed up to campus I saw a table full of people I knew and went to join them and talk about what gluttons for punishment we are. I was disappointed to discover that none of them were taking my class. I guess I never got the memo about what classes to take for the summer. Oh well, I figured surely there would be one, just one person, that I would know so I downed my second coke of the day and then grabbed my third coffee of the day and went to find my classroom. Who was the first person I see when I walk in? Oh, only my ENEMY! Dun dun dun. She was sitting in the first row right by the door with her trusty laptop plugged in so everybody could conveniently trip over the cord. I quickly made my way to the last row on the opposite side of the room. I have learned my lesson - no need to sit anywhere close to her and get all her wacky advice and hear about how unbelievably fabulous her fantastic life is. MY LIFE IS FANTASTIC TOO YOU KNOW! Do you see what she does to me? I find myself yelling out things spontaneously that nobody needs to know in an effort to beat her. I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS! Anyway, I will share only one tidbit about her from last night. The prof. was asking what people had heard about the class and she spoke up and said, “I’ve heard you’re a very engaging teacher!” I rolled my eyes as a guy two rows in front of me loudly said, “Wow, that was shameless.” The prof. joked that he had paid her $5, but he HADN’T! That’s just how she is!

 

Anycrap, that was my night. Fun freakin’ times. I was naively hoping he would say class was canceled or unnecessary next Thursday given that it’s the night before the fourth of July and the day of the famous Pinckney Open, which is not really famous (don’t worry you’re not a dum dum for not being aware of it) it is just the annual family reunion that I have been consistently missing for years. Alas, it was made abundantly clear that there is not one class that can be missed. I was already going to miss the golf tournament because of work, which, really, is a good thing. Me playing golf is an ugly, ugly thing to watch and occasionally causes violence…usually in me. I did want to attend the awards dinner and hang with my hi-larious cousins though, but I guess it was not meant to be.

 

I will leave you on this lovely Friday with a video of the comedian that I am going to see tonight.

 

 

She was a fast machine June 25, 2008

I purchased a couple new CD’s about a week ago because I have an addiction and I can’t stop and apparently they don’t have rehabs for that sort of thing. One of the new CD’s was Rockferry by Duffy and I LUURRVVEE it! I have been listening to it off and on in the privacy of my office and am occasionally rudely interrupted by people who just HAVE to send out faxes and the fax machine just HAS to be set up in my office. Life is just not fair. Of course when a certain someone who I might not always be the biggest fan of, whose “sassy bridal shower” is this week and I am secretly glad to be missing it, came in I was dancing in my chair to “Mercy”. She asked me in her snootiest voice, “What exactly are you doing?” To which I replied, “Rocking out! Just listen to the song and I dare you to not dance. It’s impossible. I double dog dare you.” Instead of being a good sport and playing along she just gave me one of those looks that says, “You’re really weird.” And then she said, “You’re really weird.” But I ask you: How can you NOT dance to this?

 

 

I’m not quite sure why the dancers are on fire at the end, but still loving it!

 

While I was searching youtube for the Duffy video it reminded me of the following video. I have to give you fair warning though. It is Celine Dion. She is doing a cover of an AC/DC song. There is some air guitar going on. Press play at your own risk. Oh, and it was voted worst cover song EVER.

 

I am such a weakling June 24, 2008

I have figured out this week that the new cool thing to do is to go vegan for a month. As of today I have read approximately five blogs who are all doing some sort of vegan for a month program. Ok, so five may not seem a lot to you, but come on! How often do you read multiple blogs in one day that are blogging about the same subject and it isn’t, oh, I don’t know, the new hero/comic book movie. So, yeah, it’s the new cool thing to do. But this blog is not about my foray into veganism because I am not going to participate. Just no. Plus Chuckles told me I’d have to move out if I did and I’m really tired of moving. Don’t get me wrong! I have absolutely zero problems with it. In fact, I wish I could do it. I think it’s healthy and after reading the third post about it today I actually thought to myself, “You know what Megan? This would be an excellent way of shaving off those last ten very stubborn pounds.” Actually, that’s the only legitimate reason I can come up with for why I should go vegan. If it was for the animals I would just be a vegetarian, which, let’s be honest, I practically am. I eat meat maybe twice a week - just personal preference really, although I DO care about the poor animals. Really, I do! But, it’s just…I really like hot dogs. Is that a good enough reason to not give up meat? I also like bacon, a lot. But it’s just bacon, I could go without if it meant losing some weight and saving the world and, therefore, being a hot superhero like Wonderwoman! But vegan? That will never happen. I thought about it for oooooh 15 seconds at most. Then I thought, “WAIT, what on God’s green earth would I eat for breakfast? No cereal because I can’t have milk - and don’t give me that soy milk crap because I don’t wanna hear it! And that reminds me - no mochas! I wish you could see my face right now - it is one of pure terror. But it’s only breakfast right? I’m sure I could find something I could eat, I just need to put my thinking cap on, although, I can’t seem to find lately. Anyway, that leaves lunch…oh dear god, don’t take my honey away from me! Do you mean to say that I would have to have a PLAIN peanut butter sandwich? And, NO, I am not putting jam on it. All I want is honey; I just don’t want all the honey bees’ hard work to go to waste. But, whatever, it’s a sacrifice for my health. No honey. Deep breath. I could do it. Now let’s see, that leaves dinner. Nope, can’t do it. I won’t even think about it anymore. Every dinner I eat involves cheese in some form. I won’t give it up. I won’t. Stop pressuring me already. Just please don’t take away my cheese. Now look what you have done! I am CRYING. Jesus, how embarrassing is this? I am crying on my own goddamn blog. This will now have to be a banned subject here, but if you want to continue talking about going vegan and have a really good laugh at the same time check out this blog: http://www.daneeatsvegan.com.

Ikea = Anxiety SuperStore June 23, 2008

I am completely moved in and no longer in my crappy apartment. Such a relief. As of Friday night I still had a ton of stuff to pack in my kitchen and all my furniture to move, which I completely planned on doing all day Saturday. I spent Friday night out on the town with my closest girlfriend who is in town for the summer, which I am beyond excited about. But while I was out living it up my darling boyfriend was packing up my apartment for me - Yep, I came home at 1:00 in the morning to find all my stuff boxed up and already moved. Best. Boyfriend. Ever. He said he did it so he didn’t have to hear me whine (note to self: whining works). And the next morning instead of assisting in carrying heavy pieces of furniture down two flights of stairs I slept in. That is correct: Chuckles and his dad moved everything for me. OH MY GAWD. It was fabulous.

 

So I may be completely moved out of my old apartment, but I don’t think it can be said that I am completely moved in. I have boxes upon boxes crammed in a back room and shoes lining the walls of one of the bedrooms, which drives Chuckles nuts. And unfortunately, those boxes hold books upon books upon books with no bookcase for a home. The only option was to brave Ikea’s sale, which only happens twice year. You might call it the “only happens twice a year sale.” Now, keep in mind, Ikea scares the bejesus out of me. The Bejesus. They could make a horror flick about shopping at Ikea and getting lost and the agony of making multiple decisions and it would be scarier than Texas Chainsaw Massacre. As we were walking through looking at all the bookcases and all the chairs and all the dressers I was way way WAY overwhelmed. It’s just too many choices. I was definitely close to tears at one point. I know - no need to tell me. I’m crazy. Who cries at Ikea? I do, that’s who. But I’m proud of myself because I did not, in fact, shed any tears. It also didn’t help that there were people EVERYWHERE. People who park their carts in the middle of the aisle and then stand and argue with other people and cause traffic jams and people that stand around and take pictures of all the furniture and glare at you when you get in the way of the picture, but feel the need to take ten pictures of that one dresser and people who pretend not to notice that they are blocking you and ignore you when you politely ask them to move. I hate people. By the time we left I had one hell of a splitting headache, but that’s ok because it was a successful trip. We got a couple mirrors that we both liked. That’s the key: we both liked them. We tend to disagree on a lot, but we were able to agree on two mirrors and a bookshelf and a dresser (which they were sold out of - bastards). Anyway, now we just have to put that damn furniture together.