In case you haven’t noticed July 3, 2008

July 1^st has come and passed. This means I have officially started my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days…and I haven’t done anything on it yet. I think people should start making bets as to how much I’ll finish. Anybody got $10 that I’ll finish 50%? If so thank you for having at least a little faith in me.

 

I have been doing my daily push ups and crunches. Actually, that’s kind of a lie and by kind of I mean it’s a bold-faced lie. I have only been doing push ups every other night, but before you start judging I have an excuse! I started doing the hundred pushup program. It’s what all the cool kids are doing…or so I’ve been told. I think it’s working though - I was checking out my biceps in the mirror this morning and I’m thinking they’re bigger. Maybe.

 

Anyway, I’ve been trying to go for more runs because the most important thing on the list to me is getting down to my target weight and running a half marathon. The only problem is I can’t afford a gym membership and that doesn’t even really matter because I never even really have time to work out. I have been trying really hard to make time, but I have only gone on one in the past week. I swear to GOD that I was going to run last night, but then a big and scary thunderstorm rolled into town and I didn’t think it would be safe. Hopefully tomorrow.

 

The list is working as good motivation though; it’s amazing what a difference just writing down a goal makes in helping you achieve it. Anyway, so far the only other item I am focused on is “Go on a hike”, but I am finding it somewhat difficult to find a good beginner’s hike that is not more than a couple hours away. However, I might encounter some hiker buddies tomorrow who can give me some advice that hopefully isn’t, “You? You want to go on a hike? You do know that that would be “outside” right? You WILL encounter bugs.” I actually did a google search for beginner hikes in the Seattle area and it brought up Green Lake. Let me tell you: “Green Lake” is not a “hike”. I used to live in the Green Lake district and all it is is a 3 mile running trail around a lake. That’s it.

 

To go on a complete tangent since I am for some unknown reason quotation mark happy I was reminded of one of my brother’s roommates in college who would use them all the time. For example, he would say, I’m going to go “take a shower” now. See you “later”. I play the “saxophone”. It was very weird and no, he was not saying “take a shower” as a euphemism for something else. Get your mind out of the gutter! He also thought my brother was a robot.

 

Just had to share that. So my goal this weekend in terms of my “list” is to get some of my quilt done. At least one square. Have a happy Independence Day! Remember fireworks are not toys!

 

Oh, and can we all please have a moment of silence for the Seattle Sonics who are now officially moving to Oklahoma City?

I am such a weakling June 24, 2008

I have figured out this week that the new cool thing to do is to go vegan for a month. As of today I have read approximately five blogs who are all doing some sort of vegan for a month program. Ok, so five may not seem a lot to you, but come on! How often do you read multiple blogs in one day that are blogging about the same subject and it isn’t, oh, I don’t know, the new hero/comic book movie. So, yeah, it’s the new cool thing to do. But this blog is not about my foray into veganism because I am not going to participate. Just no. Plus Chuckles told me I’d have to move out if I did and I’m really tired of moving. Don’t get me wrong! I have absolutely zero problems with it. In fact, I wish I could do it. I think it’s healthy and after reading the third post about it today I actually thought to myself, “You know what Megan? This would be an excellent way of shaving off those last ten very stubborn pounds.” Actually, that’s the only legitimate reason I can come up with for why I should go vegan. If it was for the animals I would just be a vegetarian, which, let’s be honest, I practically am. I eat meat maybe twice a week - just personal preference really, although I DO care about the poor animals. Really, I do! But, it’s just…I really like hot dogs. Is that a good enough reason to not give up meat? I also like bacon, a lot. But it’s just bacon, I could go without if it meant losing some weight and saving the world and, therefore, being a hot superhero like Wonderwoman! But vegan? That will never happen. I thought about it for oooooh 15 seconds at most. Then I thought, “WAIT, what on God’s green earth would I eat for breakfast? No cereal because I can’t have milk - and don’t give me that soy milk crap because I don’t wanna hear it! And that reminds me - no mochas! I wish you could see my face right now - it is one of pure terror. But it’s only breakfast right? I’m sure I could find something I could eat, I just need to put my thinking cap on, although, I can’t seem to find lately. Anyway, that leaves lunch…oh dear god, don’t take my honey away from me! Do you mean to say that I would have to have a PLAIN peanut butter sandwich? And, NO, I am not putting jam on it. All I want is honey; I just don’t want all the honey bees’ hard work to go to waste. But, whatever, it’s a sacrifice for my health. No honey. Deep breath. I could do it. Now let’s see, that leaves dinner. Nope, can’t do it. I won’t even think about it anymore. Every dinner I eat involves cheese in some form. I won’t give it up. I won’t. Stop pressuring me already. Just please don’t take away my cheese. Now look what you have done! I am CRYING. Jesus, how embarrassing is this? I am crying on my own goddamn blog. This will now have to be a banned subject here, but if you want to continue talking about going vegan and have a really good laugh at the same time check out this blog: http://www.daneeatsvegan.com.

I would like a side of cardio with that big Mac June 12, 2008

I have a confession…I went to McDonalds for lunch. You see I was too tired to eat lunch in the office. I have to be well rested to endure lunch with the coworkers. They always unknowingly say the craziest things and to hide my shock I can’t be tired. When I’m tired you can tell exactly what I’m thinking. So I decided to go to a local coffee shop to drink some tea, eat the sandwich I made for myself, and read my book in peace. But, alas, there was no parking. Then I thought I would go to Starbucks and drink tea in peace there, but they never have any open seating. That left only one option: McDonalds. But it’s okay because I only had fries with my sandwich and read my book there, so you can stop judging me already! Geez. The reason I am sharing my entire where should I eat lunch inner debate with you is because of what I saw while I was at McDonalds. They have a video screen up and playing on it was a fitness video for little kids. Can someone explain this to me? Are kids supposed to do aerobics while they eat their greasy cheeseburgers? Is this McDonalds way of alleviating the guilt they have from contributing to the obesity of children all over the country? By playing a workout video they’re doing their part to combat childhood obesity?

Oh coffee, I don’t know how to quit you June 10, 2008

Today is the day of my last final. Then my first quarter will be over and I will only have three years to go. Only Three Years! Tell me it will go by fast. Please? On my way to work I decided that I deserved a treat to pump myself up for said final. The treat I finally, after much deliberation, decided on was a strong mocha. This is why my diet doesn’t work. I always believe that I deserve a treat for something or other. Some days it is as simple as, hey, I got out of bed this morning, or I dressed myself and I don’t clash, or I didn’t slap my coworker ONCE today. So I need to find a new treat, but the only other thing I’ve come up with is shoes. But I’m just not sure it is a good idea to replace unhealthy eating with credit card debt. But that’s a post for another day (but feel free to share ideas for good substitutes - and “no treat” is not a good substitute so don’t even try it!). My post is supposed to be about my love/hate relationship with Tully’s. I go out of my way in the morning to get Tully’s coffee instead of Starbucks. Starbucks is only acceptable in emergencies and I always regret it because it tastes like shit. That’s right - poop. I don’t really know what poop tastes like, but if I had to guess I’d say Starbucks coffee. So I choose Tully’s instead. For a long time I went to a stand by my apartment called Cheap Shots Espresso and it was really cheap, hence the name. Get It?! But then one day she started screaming on the phone and sobbing about how her son was being taken away from her and my coffee tasted horrible that day so I stopped going. But I do make sacrifices for Tully’s. For example, I hate every single person that works there.

 

First, there’s the below average intelligence girl with the unnaturally high voice who never EVER remembers how to ring up my oh so simple triple grande mocha. It’s not so much the stupidity that drives me nuts as the voice - it’s the squeakiest voice I have ever heard. Scouts honor.

 

Second, there’s the know it all who is always telling people they’re making the drinks incorrectly. EVERY DAY. That’s not what I want to hear in the morning. It makes me anxious. I love my coffee, it is the only thing that gets me out of bed and the last thing I want to hear was that the espresso shots sat for 12 seconds before being mixed with the milk. Just don’t say anything and I won’t be able to tell the difference. I Promise!

 

Third, there’s the girl who is just working there to save enough money to travel the world and do you want to hear about all the places she’s been? Maybe one day I will want her to regale me with her stories, but usually I am running late for work and NO, I do not want to hear about the time you went rock climbing in Brazil with all those midgets. Actually, if there were midgets involved I would be willing to be late to work, but there weren’t.

 

Fourth, there’s the guy who creeps the hell out of me. He doesn’t blink. He just stares at me. Once, I had to remind him to give me change. He was just staring. I think girls make him uncomfortable, which is odd because he works with ALL girls. Now that I think about it I wonder if he is starting a staring contest with me and I have been losing all along. That’s a very troubling thought…I hate to lose.

 

The other thing that drives me nuts and, this is completely unrelated to the workers, is the video screen they have set up. It is for announcements. Supposedly it is a fun way to ask people out to prom. Or to tell everybody what color your kids’ eyes are because everybody wants to know. Of course nobody ever buys ad space on this and instead they use it for stupid trivia like today:

 

What movie character was known for wearing ruby red slippers?

1. Dorothy from Wizard of Oz
2. Alice from Alice in Wonderland
3. Rambo from Rambo

 

I yelled out Rambo really loudly, but surprisingly I was way off. Who knew?! Tully’s is edumacating me.

 

Lastly, the contest for who has the longest drink order drives me nuts simply because of this picture:

 

For the longest time I wasn’t sure if it was a man or woman. I’m pretty sure it’s a man, but I would say only 90% sure.

My ongoing fight with food continues April 16, 2008

I had my first Clif bar last night.  Oh, yes, I did.  I somehow got over my fear of healthy food.  My co-worker who said it looked like vomited up dog food sure didn’t help, but, luckily, I don’t follow any of her advice.  If that was the case I’d buy my seven year old son a hunting knife for Christmas.  (I don’t really have a seven year old son - I’m just saying that if I did she would consider a hunting knife a good present.)  The point is not that I work with crazy people, but that the Clif bar wasn’t half bad.  It really suffices as a good snack…it does NOT, however, substitute for dinner.  I have this problem on Tuesdays and Thursdays where I have to go straight to school from work and have no time to eat dinner.  I have been on the search for a good on-the-go dinner.  Last week it was a protein shake and pita chips, but pita chips interrupt class because they are impossible to chew quietly.  So last night it was a protein shake AND a clif bar - I thought it would be total overload, but NOOOOO, instead my stomach was still growling when class started.  So I am going to have to rethink this next week and have another plan in place.  I’m thinking candy - lots of it, all day long.  Good idea?  Bad idea?  OR I could follow another co-worker’s advice and get a bag of onion rings and pull out all the onions and eat just the fried batter.  Apparently, it is really filling…I’d just have to start saving money for the stomach stapling surgery that will eventually have to transpire. 

 

Annnnywaaayyyy, on another note, I am competing in the Bigger Dance - a bracket competition of hot girls.  I am horrible at it.  I let my hatred for people get in the way of my judgment of hotness - last year I was last.  I think I will do better this year, but I really want to win.  So…I need your help because I do not trust my judgment and I’m a cheater.  I mean last year I had Eva Mendes winning it all and people thought I was crazy.  I guess she’s not super hot?  I just don’t know!  I’m starting to think that Jessica Biel is way hotter than Adriana Lima, but I have such doubts.  HELP!  So here’s my bracket - where did I lose it?

Sometimes I wish I were a boy April 11, 2008

Horror of horrors I inadvertently found myself swimsuit shopping last weekend.  Chuckles wanted to stop by Old Navy to return some pants and while we were there I thought I would try on some swimsuits since it is almost that time of year.  Big mistake.  BIG.  Let’s just say that I was near tears and I would have been if Chuckles hadn’t been there with me.  Suffice to say I did not find anything to work.  But (and this is a big but) I didn’t try on this swimsuit:

 

I have this theory that everybody will be so distracted by the glitter they won’t notice the extra weight I have put on in the last year.  I don’t feel like I’m overweight or anything…but I do need to try and be healthier.  Right now I live on pop and popcorn.  Not good (well kinda good in the way that this is what I wanted when I was 5 years old, but I also wanted to change my name to Cecilia Cordelia so I probably shouldn’t be following the advice of my 5 yr. old self).  This is probably why I’m so tired all the time.  So I’m going to start taking baby steps towards a healthier diet/lifestyle.  I already started with no coffee in the morning (not black coffee, we’re talking a huge mocha with extra shots - no whip cream though, as if that makes it acceptable).  My next step is only one pop a day and crunches and pushups every night - no excuses.  I feel like if I make this announcement on my blog then I will somehow be held accountable.  Like if I start to grab a second pop from the fridge the interwebs will barge through the door and yell at me to stop while ominously waving a whip in the air.  I imagine the interwebs is a mean version of Hagrid and carries an axe.  Really he just needs to be the opposite of the only personal trainer I’ve ever had who was scrawny and had a lisp - not very inspiring. And yes the interwebs is a he, let’s not get in that argument.  I’ll see if I can manage this for a month and then I’ll try and my next babystep is to workout more than once a week.  Before you know it I’ll have lost 2 pounds!  Yes, I am quite ambitious.

Well, don’t you deserve multiple gold stars! March 11, 2008

So, being bored at work, I spend a ridiculous amount of time reading random blogs.  If it makes me laugh or think it gets added to my daily list (I’m kinda picky).  But on Friday I discovered a high and mighty blog.  I am sure that there are multitudes of these infiltrating the interwebs, but this was my first encounter (and I pray last).  Unfortunately, since I closed the window as fast as I could I do not have a link so my 2 readers can feel bad about themselves too – I apologize from the bottom of my heart!  Anywho, I did stay long enough to read what the blog was about.  It is written by a twenty-something girl who works a full-time job, goes to graduate school full-time in search of her MBA (like ME!), and is planning her perfect beach wedding to the perfect fiancé and she wanted to show the public how to live the perfect live.  Ok, not really – I’m being too harsh out of hatred, but it was to show the public how you can lead a busy life and still work out 5 days a week and eat healthy and, therefore, be PERFECT!  So, of course, this led to a downward spiral of my self-esteem.  Despite the fact that I do not have a wedding to plan I still can’t find the time to get off my ass and workout.  I started to wonder what my problem was, why can’t I do it all?  Don’t you worry – I did not spend all weekend wondering what was wrong with me, I figured it out pretty quickly!  I need sleep.  That’s it – I can’t go through life sleep-deprived.  So tell me sleep-deprived people out there how do you do it?  How do you get up early in the morning to work out?  How do you forgo a nap to make a healthy meal?  How do you stay up late to watch porn?  How do you get it all done?! 

Breakfast of Champions February 20, 2008

I gave up my precious morning triple grande mocha three weeks ago in an attempt to lose some weight.  I figured that cutting out approximately 500 calories could only be good for me, which of course is true.  But, three weeks later, all I have managed to do is replace my mocha with the ultimate breakfast of champions:  a 12 oz. Red Bull and a donut.  Hmmm…string bikini here I come!