Potpourri July 2, 2008

I was reminded today of one of my many talents that had been temporarily forgotten. I spent almost all of my lunch break on the phone with 24 hour fitness arguing about fees and trying to cancel my membership, which they make absolutely impossible to do. But I got what I wanted. True I might have told a few lies stretched the truth a little bit and wasted my lunch hour, but I GET WHAT I WANT. I remember talking to a friend once and telling her I was going to return a pair of shoes I had already worn, but the buckle had broken to a store that was not Nordstroms and she was all, “You are sooo not going to get away with it.” And I was all, “Watch and learn beeyotch!” Oh, and she learned all right. I do NOT back down, which generally means I am one spoiled princess. I think I had temporarily forgotten about it because not too long ago I got my first traffic ticket. Oh, I have been pulled over multiple times, but I have always been able to sweet talk my way out of the ticket. But this time was different and I was trying to figure out changed this time and I finally figured it out: Chuckles was in the car. When I started to cry he quickly started to get annoyed so I stopped. What he didn’t know is that crying can only help the cause! Also, I couldn’t exactly flirt with the officer with him in the car. Now that I really stop and think about it I should have made him pay the ticket. What really drives me nuts about the ticket is my brother got pulled over later for making the same illegal left turn and since his drivers license showed his address as Spokane they thought he was from out of town. Well, he’s NOT. He grew up here. Obviously I am still bitter. My other talent that came to light on my lunch break is my ability to lose my car key in my car. Yes, I did it again. I would tell you how it happens, but I have no idea. But if you ever need advice on how to be a spoiled princess I’m your gal. I should teach classes I am THAT good.

As you probably inferred from the title if you watch Jeopardy as much as I do this is going to be a very random post. I was thinking this morning about music videos and how much I love them. VH1 now shows music videos in the morning, which is perfect TV watching material for while I eat my bowl of delicious corn chex. Today I saw the new Alicia Keys video for “Teenage Love Affair”, which I LOVED. At first I wasn’t sure if it was the video I loved or her humongous gold earrings that I would never be able to wear because my neck is to weak to support that kind of weight, but after a costume change I was confident it was not just the earrings I was enjoying.

I have a hard time leaving in the morning because I want my music videos! This morning I had to leave in the middle of a Coldplay video because I had a stoopid meeting, but it got me to thinking about all the cool music videos and how it can change the way you view a song. I have to say I didn’t like the “Teenage Love Affair” song as much before the video as I do now. I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV when I was growing up because it teaches you about sex and how to dress like a skank and Madonna was running around in a wedding dress singing about virgins and, anyway, it was deemed inappropriate. As a result of this I can clearly remember the first video I ever watched: it was “Black or White” by Michael Jackson. I remember it being a big deal so they showed it on the news and I watched it with my dad. Good times. Anyway, what I’m saying is music videos are da bomb and I might have to post a list soon of my favorite music videos of all time, which will include a certain Reba McEntire duet no doubt.

Lastly, I finished White Teeth by Zadie Smith. It was just as good as I thought it would be after reading the first thirty pages. I would recommend it to anyone, although, not everybody in my book club was as big a fan as I was, but I’m pretty sure we were in the majority. One of my friends had a hard time getting into it until halfway through - she does have a different way of writing and a sense of humor that not everyone understands, but I was a big fan of her writing style. Our next book is Mapmakers Wife by Robert Whittaker. I have to say I am quite enjoying the book club although we could use one or two more members. Now I just need a stitch and bitch club.

The Worst Hard Time June 6, 2008

We had our first book club meeting last weekend and I have to say I think it was successful. I did enjoy the book we read, The Worst Hard Time. But remember when I called my mom a pussy for not finishing it because it was too depressing? I’m eating my words. It was very sad. As the meeting approached and I still had over 200 pages to read I knew I was in trouble so I ended up spending the entire Saturday prior to the meeting reading. Since my apartment is smelly and lame and if I read at Chuckles’ I would feel guilty for not cleaning or baking I went to a local coffee shop to read. I ended up leaving earlier than I had planned on because I don’t really like to cry in public. It’s just a weird quirk of mine. But I really connected with the character Hazel and her defiance in the face of it all in acts such as putting on white gloves in the middle of a dust storm and it was when her baby girl died that I had to go home. I couldn’t help but wonder as I read it how I would have reacted had I lived in the dust bowl during the depression. Would I have been overly optimistic like Hazel? Would I have stayed? I think so - I would have been scared to go somewhere where I didn’t know anybody and where I wasn’t wanted. Honestly, I think I would have succumbed to the dust pneumonia. I think after two years of struggling to survive and no light at the end of the tunnel I would have lost the will to live. Doesn’t it sound like an uplifting book?! I would still recommend reading it - just not if you are already feeling depressed.

 

This month we’re reading White Teeth by Zadie Smith. I read another book by her, On Beauty, that I really enjoyed and from the little that I have already read I think I’ll love it. She has a way with words that just blows me away.  Take this sentence for example: “And all the time the Hoover tube lay like a giant flaccid cock on the back seat.” What’s on everybody else’s summer reading list?

All I want is for somebody to stalk me May 13, 2008

I was listening to NPR the other day and they were talking about some book, for the life of me I can’t remember which one because I zoned out about a minute in. But I didn’t zone out because NPR is boring because it is NOT. I zoned out because they were talking about what fictional characters they connected with both and I spent the next 45 minutes of my drive home trying to think of my top five. So here they are, my favorite characters:

1.  Jane Eyre: I LOVE Jane Eyre. I read this book so much the spine fell apart. I love how plain and shy she was and yet she wins the rich bachelor. And not only does the rich bachelor fall for her, but so does the HOT minister. Well, he didn’t technically fall for her, but he was desperate to marry her and that’s the same thing in my book. This was the first romantic book I read that made me think I wouldn’t grow up to be a crazy cat lady. I am enamored of books about people who are overtaken by their love for someone else. I don’t think it is necessary to point out that I am a hopeless romantic…but I am.

 2.  Daisy Fay: I am guessing that not many people know who Daisy Fay is. Well, she is the star of the book Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man by Fannie Flagg. That and she is supposed to be my best friend. How awesome is she you ask? Well, she competed in the Miss America contest in which her Enemy from Junior high was also competing and Daisy greased her batons. Her talent act was a complete disaster. Technically, Daisy didn’t grease her batons, but her friends did! If there is a God and, therefore, a heaven that’s where Daisy and I will do all sorts of crazy things. Also, she’s been through a lot, such as her dad telling her Santa was run over by a bus making Christmas non-existent, but she went on to compete in Miss America because she is strong.

 3.  Anne Shirley/Blythe: To say that I am was obsessed with the Anne of Green Gables series is a drastic understatement. I WANT TO BE HER. I want to be married to Gilbert Blythe and have ten children with him. I want to have red hair. I want to have obnoxious twins with red hair. I want my adopted father to be Matthew. I want to be the smartest person in my class. I want a temper that will cause me to break my slate over another boy’s head. I want to live on Prince Edwards Island. I could go on forever.

 4.  Scarlet O’Hara: Do I really have to explain this one? She’s the bomb. Killer fashion sense. Beautiful with a wealth of knowledge about how to seduce guys. She doesn’t give a shit about other people (not always the greatest thing, but sure worked out well for her). Sure she pined after a guy she couldn’t have and who was all wrong for her forever, but I can look past that.

 5.  Jo March: My favorite of the little women. Probably everybody’s favorite. I have always been unoriginal. But Meg was never any fun, Amy was too snobby, and Beth was too sickly. Jo’s the best. Also, the hunky boy is in love with her. I actually rewrote the end of the story after I first read it so that Jo ended up with Laurie. Amy did NOT deserve him! But I have since come to grips with the true ending and still manage to adore Jo and wish I was more like her.

 

Does anybody else notice the one common factor all these characters have? That they all have men who are obsessed with them…What characters do you connect with?

Man necklace May 6, 2008

Chuckles and I are big fans of Etsy - there’s so much cheap stuff! I’m a pooooor graduate student - paintings for $1 are a godsend. Now I just need to find gas for a $1. It’s true you have to be patient on etsy to find what you want, but if you find specific artists you like you’re golden. But the other day Chuckles sent me this link. I’m not sure if he was trying to send me a hint or what, but he doesn’t have a birthday coming up so he’ll just have to be patient. As for the rest of you though - Father’s day is quickly approaching! Don’t miss out!

 

On another note, I finally finished reading Braindead Megaphone by George Saunders and I LOVED it. Everybody should read it. Not only is it hilarious, but it’s a thinker too (in a good way not in a Stop making my head hurt! Way).

I have friends!! April 22, 2008

It’s finally happened - what I’ve dreamed for all my life! I’m part of a club. A book club. I feel like I’ve finally been accepted by society (never mind that these are friends I’ve had since high school). The first book we’re reading is The Worst Hard Time, which will be interesting because my mom tried to read it and couldn’t get more than halfway through because of how depressing it was…I mean, it is about The Depression. But, as has already been proved in this blog, I have an affinity for sad things. My mom’s just a quitter. She also couldn’t finish End of Faith and I had no problem finishing it…probably because I was already disillusioned with the church to begin with. I’m not sure how you can reach the age of 53 and still be a naïve idealist, but my mom managed it - that’s a whole other story that involves her asking my boyfriend if he’d like to see her knobs and not understanding why we were laughing. Annnywho, I suggested the remade (and cheerful) Sweet Valley High books, but that got voted down. (I also have a sneaking suspicion that I was taken seriously…I should never be taken seriously). We’re going to have themed snacks and drinks for every meeting and for this one I am going to suggest moonshine liquor and baked potatoes. Mmmm….my mouth is watering.

 

Please click on the Sweet Valley High link because nobody will believe me that Elizabeth Wakefield is wearing a penthouse key necklace unless they see it for themselves.

 

 

Teehee - I peegled! March 28, 2008

I’m so excited – I bought a new purse online yesterday!  How cute is it?!  I got it at www.amiciaccessories.com – they have a lot of cute clutches and this one was on sale.  I love how girly the lace makes it, but the orangie-red color makes it so it’s not over the top.  I can’t wait til it’s summer here and I can wear it with a white summer dress, brown gladiator sandals, and a brown belt slung over my waist.  Just as soon as it stops SNOWING here!  Aaaarrgghhh!

Also, talking of exciting things to buy, I am going to buy George Saunders new book Braindead Megaphone this weekend.  I love George Saunders. LOVE.  He writes these hilarious essays for the New Yorker – the kind of hilarious that makes you fall out of your seat laughing.  I also enjoyed his book CivilWarLand in Bad Decline, which was a bit of a downer, but still good.  When I was looking for reviews on Amazon I saw that he has an Amazon blog, which, appropriately, is quite funny.  It’s just a little thing on Amazon to promote his book, but his first post is hilarious because he interviews himself and there’s awkwardness.  In another post, he talks about marrying a talking unicorn….I wish my life was more interesting so I could talk about these things happening to me instead of other people.  Sad…Also, he says this:

The whole idea of writing to an unknown and possibly nonexistent audience seems – I don’t know – a little narcissistic.  Kind of mentally ill?  I mean, it’s very similar to what I do, day in and day out, inside my head. 

 How true is this?!  Chuckles has been worried about me ever since I started my blog…at least I think that’s when the worrying started.  Anyhow, I think I use the word hilarious too much and will start replacing it with uproarious and mirthful as the thesaurus suggested unless readers have a better idea.  Maybe I should make up my own word for things that make me giggle and pee a little at the same time…like peegle.    

Abonement March 27, 2008

Last night I normally would have been watching to see who got evicted from the Big Brother house (I don’t really need to watch it though, because I’m pretty sure it’s Chelsia), but I wasn’t because poor poor Chuckles had to sit courtside at a Sonics game with a client leaving me all by my lonesome.  So I rented Atonement so as to rescue Chuckles from thoughts of suicide if I had forced him to watch it with me, which was the original plan.  Actually, the original plan was to watch it in the theaters, but Chuckles said the ONLY way he would go with me was if I went to the ticket counter and asked for 2 tickets to Abonement please.  And when they corrected me I had to correct them back, “No, I’m pretty sure it’s called Abonement.”  I had to keep up the charade for as long as needed til the ticket person agreed with me and told me I was right - Like I always am!  Since it’s no longer in theaters that was no longer an option *tear*.  So I figured last night was my one and only chance to watch it.   

Water For Elephants March 25, 2008

I just finished the book Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen.  I really enjoyed it.  I’m trying to come up with some sort rating system to make my book posts more interesting.  So far I don’t have much (I’m not a very interesting person), but on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being the highest) I’d give this book a 4: you look forward to your next chance to read part of it and get caught up in the world the book creates.  I know what you’re thinking – that’s supposed to make it more interesting – WTF?  Give me a break alright!  Anywho…I really did get caught up in this book, which took place in the thirties in a traveling circus.  It made me want to be part of it…albeit a star performer so I always got paid and not married to an abusive husband.  It was a great story and the ending was very heart-warming AND made me feel better about growing old (which is really hard to do – wrinkles scare me).    

The Lovely Bones March 10, 2008

I finished reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold this weekend.  I would definitely recommend this book to other people - I couldn’t put it down, but I also couldn’t stop crying – so you’ve been duly warned.  I don’t know what it is about me, but I have an affinity for sad books…sad everything really: books, music, movies.  I guess I just love to cry.  Hmm, I can’t imagine that’s healthy…

The History of Love March 4, 2008

I just finished reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss.  I absolutely loved it.  How can you not with prose like, “Her kiss was a question I wanted to spend my life answering.”  As a hopeless romantic I gobbled up the idea of love engulfing your entire life.  Although, the two characters in the novel whose lives were overwhelmed with their love for someone else weren’t really happy, but that’s not really the point.  Their lives were defined by their love and that’s beautiful if you ask me.