I have lost all ability to say No May 15, 2008

I have this problem where I can’t say no to people. This problem has become more pronounced lately. My theory is that all my free time these days is spent studying so when somebody says, “Hey, want to spend lunch at a lame party supply store and then go to your least favorite restaurant ever, Taco Bell?” I enthusiastically reply, “Hell to the YES!” Because otherwise I’m eating my boring peanut butter sandwich while resisting the temptation to drink the biggest mocha ever and see how many chocolate bars I can eat before I can get sick while writing a five page essay on bullshit trust exercises what makes a good leader. I mean, come on, nasty tacos accompanied with shooting pains in my stomach will win out EVERY TIME. Another example is my new Stitch and Bitch club. I have always wanted to be part of one so when offered the opportunity why in HELL would I say no?! Oh, that’s right, I have zero free time and just adding more to my overbooked schedule makes me flip the fuck out. Everybody should send Chuckles sympathy cards for having to put up with me. The weird thing is even when I don’t like somebody I still say yes when they ask me to do things. For example, the girl from the retreat that was all negative and I don’t know how to smile and didn’t you know little kids are starving in Africa and I am in physical pain so YOU SHOULDN’T BE LAUGHING asked me to join her for coffee before class today. Did I say no? Don’t ask me stupid questions! Of course I said YES because I love to torture myself. Sure I was going to spend that much needed hour catching up on the reading for my finance class, but it will be much better spent sharing coffee with somebody who does not find ANYTHING funny not even the hiv. So my new goal is to learn to say no even if that means that I have to actually spend some quality time doing school work. Gawd, I bore myself sometimes! The true test will be next week when I have to go to Las Vegas next week and am able to say NO to any offers of going to see male strippers, or boozing, or skinny dipping at the hotel pool, or everclear slurpies. I mean, really, I should NOT be consuming everclear slurpies on a business trip. Right? Although, it is Las Vegas - isn’t the whole point of Vegas that anything flies? I’ll let you know if I pass the test when I get back.

This is the part where I offend as many people as I can May 14, 2008

This post will be about my ability to feel hatred for people who are completely undeserving of it. Kiala at Face of the Cookie wrote a post a while ago about how funny AIDS is and it reminded me of this story. Maybe I’ll get a lot of shit for my post just like Kiala did. I hope so! But if you can’t laugh at AIDS what CAN you laugh at? That statement alone should anger at least 20 people. AT LEAST. Annnnywaaay, about a year ago I used to live in Green Lake with my awesome roommate Jeni and we had quite the Blast. Our apartment was ok minus the old appliances and the fact that it was infested with ants. Lots and lots of ants. But it was big and it was in Green Lake and across the street from a cool bar so we put up with the damn ants and the inevitable ant traps that were everywhere. It was also pretty affordable…probably because of the ants. We moved into it almost two years ago to the day - right when the weather was getting sunny. The apartment building across from us had much nicer and Fancier apartments. We’re talking new appliances, huge balconies, and it didn’t look like it was about to fall apart. The apartment also had young girls who just sat on the balcony alternately sunbathing and having parties all while wearing cute clothes and drinking. I hated them. They were ALWAYS there. They didn’t appear to have jobs and could afford an Awesome apartment and lots of booze and fashion-y dresses. So one night to make myself feel better my friend J and I decided they probably had STD’s and that made everything alright. Sure I was overly jealous of their lives, but, hey, I don’t have any STD’s, so THERE! But we couldn’t exactly go around and say things like, “Can you believe the dress that syphilis girl was wearing?!” or “I can’t believe the girl with Crabs has yet another boy stalking her!” So we called them the High Five girls. Totally innocent to anybody who has no idea that in my mind High Five is slang for the AIDS. As in HIV…GET IT?! So now you all know what a horrible person I am.

 

I tried really hard to post this video in this post, but it wouldn’t let me so you’ll just have to click on the link to watch it. I apologize to all you lazy people, but it’s a Family Guy clip so you KNOW it’s worth it: The AIDS Song.

 

 

 

 

All I want is for somebody to stalk me May 13, 2008

I was listening to NPR the other day and they were talking about some book, for the life of me I can’t remember which one because I zoned out about a minute in. But I didn’t zone out because NPR is boring because it is NOT. I zoned out because they were talking about what fictional characters they connected with both and I spent the next 45 minutes of my drive home trying to think of my top five. So here they are, my favorite characters:

1.  Jane Eyre: I LOVE Jane Eyre. I read this book so much the spine fell apart. I love how plain and shy she was and yet she wins the rich bachelor. And not only does the rich bachelor fall for her, but so does the HOT minister. Well, he didn’t technically fall for her, but he was desperate to marry her and that’s the same thing in my book. This was the first romantic book I read that made me think I wouldn’t grow up to be a crazy cat lady. I am enamored of books about people who are overtaken by their love for someone else. I don’t think it is necessary to point out that I am a hopeless romantic…but I am.

 2.  Daisy Fay: I am guessing that not many people know who Daisy Fay is. Well, she is the star of the book Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man by Fannie Flagg. That and she is supposed to be my best friend. How awesome is she you ask? Well, she competed in the Miss America contest in which her Enemy from Junior high was also competing and Daisy greased her batons. Her talent act was a complete disaster. Technically, Daisy didn’t grease her batons, but her friends did! If there is a God and, therefore, a heaven that’s where Daisy and I will do all sorts of crazy things. Also, she’s been through a lot, such as her dad telling her Santa was run over by a bus making Christmas non-existent, but she went on to compete in Miss America because she is strong.

 3.  Anne Shirley/Blythe: To say that I am was obsessed with the Anne of Green Gables series is a drastic understatement. I WANT TO BE HER. I want to be married to Gilbert Blythe and have ten children with him. I want to have red hair. I want to have obnoxious twins with red hair. I want my adopted father to be Matthew. I want to be the smartest person in my class. I want a temper that will cause me to break my slate over another boy’s head. I want to live on Prince Edwards Island. I could go on forever.

 4.  Scarlet O’Hara: Do I really have to explain this one? She’s the bomb. Killer fashion sense. Beautiful with a wealth of knowledge about how to seduce guys. She doesn’t give a shit about other people (not always the greatest thing, but sure worked out well for her). Sure she pined after a guy she couldn’t have and who was all wrong for her forever, but I can look past that.

 5.  Jo March: My favorite of the little women. Probably everybody’s favorite. I have always been unoriginal. But Meg was never any fun, Amy was too snobby, and Beth was too sickly. Jo’s the best. Also, the hunky boy is in love with her. I actually rewrote the end of the story after I first read it so that Jo ended up with Laurie. Amy did NOT deserve him! But I have since come to grips with the true ending and still manage to adore Jo and wish I was more like her.

 

Does anybody else notice the one common factor all these characters have? That they all have men who are obsessed with them…What characters do you connect with?

I was wrong…Again May 12, 2008

Don’t you hate it when you have to admit you were wrong? This past weekend retreat wasn’t total bullshit. I actually (gulp) had fun. I made a lot of new friends, which makes school a LOT more bearable. Talking with other students who are in the same boat as me and just as stressed somehow made me not as stressed despite the fact that there are still not enough hours in the week. We were able to give each other pep talks about how sleep is overrated and it’s only a month and it’ll all be over soon. But (I hate when there’s a but for good things) there was one negative thing. There was a girl who had a very negative attitude and whenever I had any interaction with her it really had an effect on me and she said some very questionable things to me. By questionable I mean rude and bitchy. Luckily, we were only in the same group Saturday morning. But I find myself dreading class this week because I don’t want to see her. I have always been the type of person to be easily influenced by the moods of those around me, but I am really going to focus on not letting other’s negativity affect me to such a great extent.  I find myself focusing solely on her as opposed to the rest of the weekend, which I seem to remember genuinely enjoying. The interesting thing is as I was watching this person out of the corner of my eye so that if she started to approach me I could make a quick get-away I noticed that she never smiled or laughed. That can’t be a fun way to live so I am doing my best to not focus on her behavior towards me because I don’t believe it has anything to do with me (considering we had zero interaction before this weekend), I think she must just have her own issues to work out. Since I am the type of person that can not stand it when people don’t like me I kept reaching out to her over the weekend and it did NOT go well. I really need to learn to let go and accept the fact that there is only one person out of thirty that doesn’t like and who gives a shit. Plus I don’t even like her much so why do I want her to like me? I have no fucking idea.

 

So I will end on a happy note. There was no ropes course as previously believed. Instead, there was something far worse: a giant ladder. I know it doesn’t sound so bad does it? Well, you are just going to have to trust me on this one. I thought it would be really easy…that is until I got up on it and proceeded to hyperventilate and swear like a motherfucking pirate. My class was quite shocked, which, in turn, shocked me. Is it really that shocking to hear a girl scream FUCK at the top of her lungs? Don’t worry though, they weren’t offended. They were shocked in a that was really funny way. For some reason when people first meet me they think I am a goody goody. I am not sure why I give off that type of vibe, but I do and people always end up surprised as they get to know me. The other good thing is that we were constantly moving and the food sucked so I am pretty sure I lost around five pounds. Woohoo! In my mind that brings me into bikini territory…I just have to maintain it for the rest of the summer or even better: keep losing weight.

 

I really dropped a lot of F-bombs in this post. I apologize to anybody I offended, but once I start I can’t fucking stop.

It is time for the ropes course May 8, 2008

Tomorrow is the first day of the retreat that I have been so whiney and negative about ever since I found out that I had to do this. I am pretty much all packed and ready for a weekend spent outside in the rain. That is a complete lie. I am in no way an outdoorsy girl and as a result do not own clothes that are conducive for doing ropes courses in the pouring down rain. Annywaaayyy, this retreat is actually being held at a sixth grade camp that is similar to the fifth grade camp that I went to, therefore, I will have as much fun now as I did then. Right? But then again I am no longer eleven years old. That and I’m not going with my very best friend…no, instead I’m going with relative strangers, people I’ve only known for a couple weeks and sleeping in sleeping bags in a bunker like cabin with them. BUT my attitude as improved drastically in the past week. This is because we learned that we can go to the local bars at night. Hip-hip-hooray for Beer! I’m not an alcoholic I promise. Still when I stop and really think that my ENTIRE weekend will be spent doing “experiential exercises” instead of my accounting homework, or spring cleaning, or sleeping, I start to feel the panic creeping in and by creeping I mean coming at me like a tidal wave. This is a good sign in my book though - the forced interaction with people is no longer causing hyperventilation instead it is the horrible STEALING of my precious precious free time. They’re filthy little thieves. In addition, this same class is taking my NEXT Saturday away from me by making me do Good things for OTHER people. Instead, of sleeping for 12 hours I will have to get up early to paint and do yard work at a low income house. Whatever. Who knows, maybe this retreat will provide all sorts of blog fodder. My fingers are crossed!

Pole dancing - family activity? May 7, 2008

When I started the day out I thought I would post about my biggest fear: Spiders. I thought the world needed me to educate them on the secret powers of spiders and how there truly is reason to be afraid of them. But that will have to wait for another day because I found an article about how a new Pole Dancing Wii game is being developed. Of course I shared this link with Chuckles and we talked about the possibility of me buying this as a birthday present for my mom. This immediately led to thoughts of playing it as a family (like we do with all wii games) and that was a Bad Thought. Icky. So I completely put the whole thing out of my mind. That is until Chuckles asked if I had watched the video that accompanied the story. My reply was along the lines of: Of course not, pole dancing videos are inappropriate at my office. (It’s not inappropriate at his office - an example of a typical conversation is what do the vibrators the girls use look like.) Plus I already got caught watching a video of Crissy with a strap-on I can’t be watching too many crazy videos! Anyway, Chuckles convinced me that it was absolutely necessary that I take the time to watch. And, boy oh boy, am I glad I did! You know that feeling when laughter just erupts unexpectedly from you? Yep, that’s what happened. So, dear reader, Please watch the video! I was worried that people wouldn’t click the link to watch the video so I’m just uploading it onto here. Also, I think it is quite plausible that this video has already made the rounds because it is often that I am the last one to see these things. But if there’s just one person that I introduce this video to I will be a happy girl. So make me happy!!

 

Man necklace May 6, 2008

Chuckles and I are big fans of Etsy - there’s so much cheap stuff! I’m a pooooor graduate student - paintings for $1 are a godsend. Now I just need to find gas for a $1. It’s true you have to be patient on etsy to find what you want, but if you find specific artists you like you’re golden. But the other day Chuckles sent me this link. I’m not sure if he was trying to send me a hint or what, but he doesn’t have a birthday coming up so he’ll just have to be patient. As for the rest of you though - Father’s day is quickly approaching! Don’t miss out!

 

On another note, I finally finished reading Braindead Megaphone by George Saunders and I LOVED it. Everybody should read it. Not only is it hilarious, but it’s a thinker too (in a good way not in a Stop making my head hurt! Way).

Laxatives are fun! May 5, 2008

On Saturday night while eating pizza with my entire family my sister made a seemingly innocent comment. She informed my sister-in-law that I had posted a picture of her on my blog. Most of my family was unaware that I had a blog, but I can’t get angry at Erin because she had no way of knowing that and it wasn’t really a secret…I will just have to cut back on the F-bombs. So my dad asked how does one find this blog? My sister informed him that she had caught site of the title: Golightly. This is the point in the night when Hilarity ensued. Lindsey had just got her doctorate in pharmacy and my mom works in the medical field and they gleefully informed me that I had named my blog after a laxative. I know - it is quite the hilarious mistake. So I would like to clarify that I did NOT intentionally name my blog after a laxative. Instead, I named it after Holly Golightly - my favorite movie character. Wasn’t it obvious?! I always said that one day when I opened a fashion boutique I would call it Golightly. Obviously, this is no longer an option. I’m sure that Lindsey and my mom did not mean to stomp all over my dreams, but that is exactly what they did. Feel guilty yet? That’s what I thought.

Now I need a new blog title and I am completely stumped! I was thinking Ms. Megan Fancypants at first because I am fancy and sometimes (like right now) I wear pants. But it bores me. So unless my witty readers come up with something better that will be my new blog title. While you’re at it think of a new boutique name too!

I think I have stumbled on the new purpose of this blog. Readers do my dirty work for me. Please share: how will I apply my leadership class to my life? I need five pages - Start Typing!

Spokies! May 3, 2008

I am in Spokane this weekend for my sister-in-law’s graduation. Gooooo Dr. Lindsey!!

Isn’t she a cutie?!

Although, that was the whole point of the trip the highlight might have been seeing people on the street corner by our hotel dressed as Darth Vader, Storm Troopers, and those weird sand people, which my sister informed me are called Tuscan Raiders. Here’s a blurry picture:

My sister isn’t into Science fiction she just has a three year old son who is obsessed with Star Wars - he has, oh I don’t know, approximately 40 star wars figurines. My sister just happened to be on the phone with Jared when she saw these guys. Here’s their following conversation:

Erin: Jared, You will not believe who we are looking at right now on the street! Darth Vader and he is waving at us!

Jared: Will I see him when I get in the car?!

Erin: No, babe, he’s in Spokane and you’re all the way in Seattle.

Jared: I think I can come over!!!

Luckily, I did get a blurry picture to show him.

Update: I showed Jared the picture and his response was, “Where’s the Storm Trooper?” I guess Darth Vader wasn’t good enough for him. But he is trying to convince his parents that a trip to Spokane is quite necessary.

Fun times at Open Sores April 30, 2008

I haven’t really said anything about Ocean Shores, but we had a really good time there. The weather was great - windy, but sunny so we didn’t care. On our way there we stopped for lunch at our classy state capital and on the bathroom door was this sticker:

We were wondering what kind of apparatus was involved. I was too scared to go in and find out. When we got to our hotel we immediately went down to the beach and had some fun:

I thought I might frame this picture and hang it in my living room.

Later that night Charlie and I went out to a nice dinner, which didn’t go so well for me. I asked what vegetables were in the Pasta Primavera and the waitress did not know, but told me it was VERY good so against my better judgement I ordered it. First problem: there were tomatoes in it. I HATE tomatoes - I think they and all related products are inherently evil and I will not eat anything evil. I’m strong like that. The second problem? The “pesto cream” sauce was really just a TON of olive oil. Icky. I should have ordered the steak like Chuckles did. Anyway when we got back to the room Chuckles poured me a glass of wine to drink while we watched the Awesome movie Bottle Rocket.

Since it was filled to the brim I couldn’t lift it without spilling…so this is what happened:

To conclude: Fun trip.

On another note, I got a manicure on my way home from work today (because I have my priorities straight) and they always have a way of insulting me. Usually it’s my eyebrows: Your eyebrows are very bushy - should we wax them? But today was a new one: You have very hairy arms - let me wax your arms. I said no…and made a note to wear long sleeves next time I get a manicure.